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What Should A Gym Sound Like?


“Can you keep it down, please?” Says the lady on her cell phone earpiece as you pull a new PR deadlift with everything you got, including an involuntary roar as you strain to the top. Keep it down??? Is this a fucking library!?

First off, take your cell phone call off the gym floor – Im not going to “keep it down” so you can have a conversation with your friend. And now that you just asked me to keep it down, im going to make as much damn noise around you as I possibly can. Fuck these gym librarians. I came here to toss around some weights. And that shit isn’t quiet.

Seriously though, what’s a gym supposed to sound like? Certainly not passive silence with a hint of teeny-bopper music faintly playing in the background. A gym is supposed to sound like.. A GYM!

Clanking weights, screams of pain, cheers of motivation, aggressive death metal. That’s what I want to hear in my gym.

I don’t understand these corporate gym rules.. No grunting? No chalk? No deadlifting??? Are u fucking kidding me? Obviously whoever made these rules has never actually trained hard in a gym before. Or else they would realize how asinine these rules are in the first place. I always pictured some fat bald guy in a business suit at a desk calling the globo gym shots – feet up on the desk, counting his money. Fat fuck doesn’t get it. He’s never had the relationship with the iron that the rest of us have. He’s just in it for the money. Making rules in the best interest of money – never in the best interest of the members.

If someone cant stand the sound of other grunting, they probably shouldn’t be in a gym in the first place. Go play water aerobics or something. This is a gym – and the grownups are here training.

The music, the chalk rules, grunting – all this has to do with mentality. Obviously were not grunting because were starved for attention. This shit is heavy and im going to do everything in my power to pick that damn thing up. So let me chalk my hands (so the bars doesn’t slip) and get fired the fuck up for this PR.

I will tell u right now, if your gym doesn’t let you deadlift, grunt, or use chalk, and you consider yourself “serious” about weight training, then you might want to consider changing facilities. And if you’re the fat fuck who made these rules and you happen to be reading this, then know I hate you. And I’m coming for you.

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